Finally, here are the answers to some of those nagging song questions you keep hearing from the radio, jukebox, your television or phone-slash-portable-dojiggy.  Lori Lopez has taken a moment to reflect upon these issues and settle them once and for all.  We hope you will find her responses helpful.

Chicago:  "Does anybody really know what time it is?"

I think so -- No, it just changed, now I know, wait, wrong again, it's -- Too late, never mind.

Bing Crosby/Anne Murray:  "Do you hear what I hear?"

I think it's rhetorical but if not, the answer would probably be "no" since my left ear isn't in its right mind.

Lee Michaels:  "Do you know what I mean?"

Hmm, that's debatable.  I'd guess you probably don't most of the time.  In fact, I don't even think I do ...

Carbon/Silicon:  "Why do men fight?"

That's a toughie.  I'd say it has something to do with those little plastic army men they play with as kids!

George Harrison:  "What is Life?"

Oh, well, that's a very deep subject.  I'd say it's everything that death is not???  Am I right?

Creedence Clearwater Revival:  "Have you ever seen the rain?"

I love rain, but the drops go by so fast, it's all a blur.  I'm not sure I have seen it, now that you ask.

The Beach Boys:  "Wouldn't it be nice?"

Okay, you'll have to be more specific.  It might be nice, I can't really be sure.  It could be awful for all I know!

The Clash:  "Should I stay or should I go?"

Tell me about it, I'm confused too.  One day I have followers on Twitter, the next day I don't, then I do.

Annie Lennox/Fleetwood Mac/Carly Simon/Avril Lavigne/Frankie Avalon/The Byrds/Bonnie Tyler:  "Why?"

To begin with, why ask "Why?" when you could ask "What?" or "How?" or "Where?"  You didn't think of that, did you?  Why always why?

Pink Floyd:  "Is there anybody out there?"

Funny you should ask, I've been wondering that too.  It's a question I often ask myself but can never answer.

Fairport Convention:  "Who knows where the time goes?"

Wow, that's pretty profound, but how should I know?  I lost my Mickey Mouse watch years ago.

Dionne Warwick:  "What's it all about, Alfie?"

Oh gosh, that's a doozy.  Where do I begin?  For starters, my name's not Alfie!

Counting Crows:  "Have you seen me lately?"

The question is, have you seen you?  I'm not even sure what you look like, so I'm not a very reliable witness.

Dire Strait/All-American Rejects:  "Why worry?"

Come on, there's plenty to worry about!  That's like asking "Why sigh?" or "Why climb Mount Everest?"  It's human nature!

Dionne Warwick:  "Do you know the way to San Jose?"

I did but I forgot.  If I could find my California map I'd tell you but I think my chipmunk ate it.

The Cure:  "Why can't I be you?"

Well, that's just ridiculous.  No one can be me.  I can't even be me half the time!  But I might be you ...

The Moody Blues:  "Isn't life strange?"

That's what I was thinking, especially my life!  Sometimes it's downright bizarre.  When it's strange, that's normal.

Carole King:  "Will you still love me tomorrow?"

We'd all like to know the answer, but they didn't teach it in school.  Guess we'll never know.

Baha Men:  "Who let the dogs out?"

I wonder that every time the mailman goes by ... running from a pack of hyenas and wolves.

Marvin Gaye:  "What's going on?"

That's what I'd like to know!  There's a recession, the world's going to end, it's back-to-school time ...  Which is it?

The Who:  "Who are you?"

Ah, that is the question.  But the question is also, "Who's asking, you or me?"  I mean, I'm me, but you could be anyone!

Men At Work:  "Who can it be now?"

Who again?  Well, at least you're not asking "Why?"  Little kids always ask why.  I just hand them a book.

Nine Inch Nails:  "Where is everybody?"

That's a very good question!  I'm so entertaining, yet I can't seem to build a steady "followship" for my humor!!!???

Pixies:  "Where is my mind?"

Spinning out of control.  Last I saw it bounced out and rolled down a hill, skimmed under a semi, then I lost track ...

The Smiths:  "How soon is now?"

Well, now is as soon as I can get to it, but I'm really pretty busy right now so I'm not sure when that will be ...

They Might Be Giants:  "Why does the sun shine?"

This is definitely a little kid question!  Just a minute, I'm looking for the right book -- hey, where'd you go?

The Waitresses:  "Wasn't tomorrow wonderful?"

I'm sure yesterday will be just as good!  Let's see if you have a fever:  stick out your tongue and say "Ah!"

Peggy Lee:  "Is that all there is?"

No, actually, you can find more "Question Songs And Answers" below ...  Seriously, this isn't the bottom of the list!  Keep reading!  Are you blind?

No Use For A Name:  "Why doesn't anybody like me?"

With me, it's probably my sense of humor.  With you, well, you know ... that problem you have ...  come on, don't make me say it ...  all right, fine, your head's on backwards!

Crystal Gayle:  "Don't it make my brown eyes blue?"

Yes, pouring a whole bucket of bright blue paint on your face will probably have that effect.

Abba:  "Does your mother know?"

Let's leave my mother out of this!

The Monkees:  "Can you dig it?"

Uh, yeah, sure, if you give me the shovel.  But this is gonna cost you, especially if I get blisters!

Jefferson Airplane:  "Have you seen the saucers?"

Mm-hmm.  Saucers, huh?  No, I can't say as I did, but the little green men probably know where they are.

Frank Churchill:  "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?"

I hate to admit this, but my knees do tend to shake when he comes knocking.

Michelle Branch:  "Are you happy now?"

I might be.  Define happiness.  I just want to make sure we're both talking about the same thing.

Toby Keith:  "Does that blue moon ever shine on you?"

Yes, fairly often.  Is that normal?  Am I more irregular than I thought?  What aren't you telling me???

Mike Melboin:  "Are you going to eat that?"

No, but I'm going to eat this.  You can have that.  I'm a vegetarian, so I only eat this and this but never that.  Whatever that is.  I prefer this.  I think.

The Setup:  "Are you going to tell an orc what to do?"

I make it a habit to never tell orcs anything.  Unless they drag it out of me.  They can be very persuasive.  All they have to do is breathe in my face.  That usually works.

The Headless Chicken:  "Donde esta la pollo?"

Er, um, don't you mean "el pollo"?  I'm no expert but everybody knows that from El Pollo Loco!  Oh, I see, you're missing your head.  That explains it.

Cream:  "Anyone for tennis?"

Capital idea!  Jolly ho, and what do you say to a spot of tea?  You can bring the cream!  I'll fetch the marmalade and biscuits.  We'll need someone else to bring the cups.  And saucers.  And spoons.  Is that everything?  Oh, silly me, we'll need some tea!  Very good, I shall call The Mad Hatter at once!  What's that?  Tennis, you say?  You should have thought of that sooner!  It's tea time now, isn't it?

The Police:  "Does everyone stare?"

It depends.  Sometimes they blink.

Marvin Gaye:  "Can I get a witness?"

Yessir, step right over to the witness box and pick yourself out a nice big one!

Cursive:  "Mother Ship, Mother Ship, do you read me?"

Ding-ding, bong-de-bong, toot-toot, wibble-wibble, laaaaa-dee-daaaaahhh!  That's alien for "Where were you?  I've been calling for hours!  It's time for supper!"

Creedence Clearwater Revival/Heaven 17:  "Who will stop the rain?"

Probably The Umbrella Man.  Or The Drought Man.  Maybe even Mother Nature, if you ask her nicely.

The Lovin' Spoonful:  "Did you ever have to make up your mind?"

Hmm, I'm not sure.  I try to avoid that as much as possible.  At least I think I do, but don't quote me on that.  I'm still a bit undecided.  I'm going to say maybe.

War:  "Why can't we be friends?"

I'd like to, really I would.  It isn't you, it's me.  I simply don't have time right now for anything other than Twitter.  I hope you understand.

Duran Duran:  "Is there something I should know?"

Yeah, but I forget what it is.  I'll try to remember.  I know it's in here somewhere.  Nope, that's not it.  Maybe ...  No, that's for somebody else, I'm not sure who.  I can't seem to recall what I myself should know either.  I need to clear out some of this debris cluttering my brain.  Two plus two.  I don't need that.  The square root of Pi?  Lose it.  My date of birth?  Already forgotten ...

Blink 182:  "Does my breath smell?"

Now that you mention it.  Probably that garlic snack bar you just ate.  Or losing your toothbrush three years ago.

Robert Palmer:  "Which one of us is the fool?"

Well, if it isn't me ... and it's not ... who does that leave?  Take your time, you'll get it eventually.  Uh-huh, keep thinking.  Not the dog.  Don't look at the cat.  Bingo!  Now you're catching on.

Travis:  "Why does it always rain on me?"

The grass is always greener.  Except where it doesn't rain.  Some people WISH it would rain on them.  They make up dances, hoping for a drop of compassion to pour down from the sky.  Others complain - it's raining too much!  People are never satisfied.

!!!:  "Hello, is this thing on??"

Excellent question.  I've been asking that ever since I started tweeting on Twitter!  I don't think my messages are being heard or I would have a horde of followers by now, instead of five!  Make that four.

Al Green:  "Ain't it funny how time slips away?"

Yep, it does.  I keep telling everyone the world is turning faster but no one believes me.

Radiohead:  "How can you be sure?"

Who says I'm sure?  Huh?  Where'd you hear that?  I ain't sayin' nuttin about nuttin'!  In fact, I can neither confirm nor deny that we are having this conversation!

Gerry And The Pacemakers:  "How do you do it?"

Do what?  Who said I did something?  What's going on here, is this The Spanish Inquisition?  Just what am I supposed to be doing?  Because I can assure you I didn't, or don't.  I wasn't even there, if I knew where there was.  You've got the wrong person!  I'm innocent, innocent I tell ya!!!

Orbital:  "Are we here?"

Yes, you can step out of the vehicle.  And step away from the vehicle.  Far far away.  And next time, if there should ever be a next time, you will NOT bring your pet leeches along for a ride!

Bob The Builder:  "Can we fix it?"

We could if we knew what was wrong with it.  But we don't because somebody lost the instructions.  Someone who shall remain nameless but looks a lot like you, perhaps?  Yeah, Bob, I'm talkin' to you!

Pete Seeger/The Kingston Trio/Johnny Rivers:  "Where have all the flowers gone?"

First of all, what's with all the questions?  Oh, right, it's a list of questions.  Practically a questionaire, heh-heh.  Did you see how I changed the subject?  Flowers, what flowers?  I didn't see any flowers!  And my dog didn't chew them up, either!  He only likes homework, and sneakers.  And burying bones.  Got any bones on ya?

Jefferson Airplane:  "Won't you try?"

Okay, I'll try, but I can't guarantee results.  Especially since I don't have the slightest clue what we're talking about.  But if you insist, I'll give it my best, really I will.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.  Is it done?  Is what done?  How should I know?  I said I would try.  I didn't say WHAT I would try.  As it turns out, I'm trying to take a nap so go away.

Planet P Project:  "Why me?"

Another whiner.  Boohoo, why me?  I'll tell you why you, because it had to be someone!  It always has to be someone.  That's just how it is.

The Cranberries:  "How?"

What do you mean how?  I said that's how it is.  Now you expect me to explain what HOW is?  Next you'll be talking to cows!  Tell them "moo" for me.

Bloodhood Gang (and ShaNaNa, "Charlie Brown"):  "Why is everybody always pickin' on me?"

Ah, the classic Charlie Brown Complex.  We all go through it at some point or other in our lives.  Feelings of clumsiness.  Inadequacy.  Like our dog is smarter, cooler, and more popular than we are.  All I can tell you is, SNAP OUT OF IT!!!  You'll just have to accept the way things are.  It isn't a phase.  You'll never outgrow it.  You're stuck being you.  Get used to it.

Natalie Imbruglia:  "Don't you think?"

Did I miss something?  I feel as if the conversation started without me.  Were you talking behind my back?  And now you're asking my opinion?  I don't play those games.  I know what you're up to.  You're trying to make me think that I'm losing my mind.  Well, you're too late!  That train has left the station!  And I wasn't on it.  You were!  So what do YOU think, eh?

FIXX:  "Are we ourselves?"

Of course we're ourselves.  Who else would we be?  I know I said I might be you.  I said a lot of ridiculous things.  That wasn't me.  I don't know who it was, but it wasn't me.  I wasn't myself then.  But I am now.  I really am.  It's me!  Don't you believe me?

The Partridge Family:  "How long is too long?"

I just had that sensation where you think something is familiar -- as if I've been asked this before!  But I wasn't, isn't that weird?  Oh well, the answer is still the same either way.  I have no idea what you're referring to.  Is my nose too long?  Is this list too long?  Are my toenails too long?  I really can't give you an answer without more clarification.  Let's just say, it's only too long if it bumps into things.

Boz Scaggs:  "What can I say?"

Whatever you'd like.  As long as it doesn't offend anyone.  And as long as it isn't about mooses or meeses.  I'm allergic to them.  Anything else is fine.  Except most of the words in The Oxford Dictionary.  I'm rather afraid of those, along with three-eared bats.  They give me a rash.  Oh, and please don't mention olives.  The green ones.  I have an irrational fear of them.

They Might Be Giants:  "How can I sing like a girl?"

Step on a nail.  That was easy.

Oasis:  "Do you know what I mean?"

Absolutely.  Except for one small detail.  I didn't catch what you were saying.  My mind tends to drift.  Could you please repeat everything after opening your mouth and taking a breath?

The Carpenters:  "I can dream, can't I?"

We can all dream!  That's what's so great about life.  Dreaming and then waking up and realizing it was just a dream.  Oh, you meant the other kind.  Yes, that's nice too.  Reaching for the stars, wanting to achieve great things ...  Good luck with that.  I'm going back to sleep.

Flaming Voices:  "Are you a hypnotist?"

No, no, not me.  Why would you ask such a thing?  Your eyes are getting sleepy ...  Watch the shiny pendulum ...  No, I'm actually a dog trainer.  You will bark like a dog when I snap my fingers ...  At the count of ten you will play dead ...  Yeah, business is kinda slow since I forgot to lock the kennel door.  My dogs ran away.  You will roll over and sit up and beg ...

Roger Miller:  "Where have all the average people gone?"

Hmm, didn't notice.  Perhaps they moved.  Or maybe ... they didn't.  Maybe they're right here among us, pretending to be ... NOT normal.

The Tubes:  "What do you want from life?"

I'd like my luck to improve, some fame and fortune, a happy ending, a house in the woods, a pet grizzly bear.  The usual.

The Setup:  "Dude, where's my scarf?"

Quite a burning question.  Really important.  And deep.  Very deep.  I'm going to have to ponder long and hard.  Then I'll tell you it's around your neck.  The last place you would think of looking.

John Lennon:  "How do you sleep?"

I stretch out on the floor and concentrate.  It takes a great deal of concentration.  I close my eyes once I'm certain there's nothing lurking in the closet.  I don't have to worry about under the bed.  Smart, huh?  I allow the sleep fairies to wrap me in a silken cocoon, while The Slumber Possum reads me a bedtime story.  In six months I emerge from hibernation and stretch my tentacles.  Just like everybody else.

D.C. Talk:  "What have we become?"

I was curious about that myself.  The sea monsters who are in control assure me I'm supposed to have twelve limbs.  I don't know about you, but I've never felt better.  Pass the salt.  And the jellyfish.

Dean Friedman:  "How does this story end?"

Finally, something I know!  I'm a writer!  Thank you for asking!  Now, what was the question again?